If your friend, child, sibling or partner is going through a Kundalini awakening process, this blog post is for you. This awakening is happening to someone close to you and it is affecting you and your relationship with him or her as well. You may be feeling worried and want to help them, yet feel helpless and are not sure how. Maybe you don’t even know what to think about their experiences, some of which fall outside the realm of what you know or believe to be possible. I suggest that you start by educating yourself about Kundalini and withhold any judgment until you research it thoroughly. Then I would ask you to have faith in your loved one, to hear them out, to attempt to see them beyond your view of what is within the norm and stay open to their reality. It is their reality after all; you can’t persuade them that they are not experiencing what they are experiencing, so you may as well get on board. Try to leave your heart open and let your mind and prejudgments step aside for the sake of your relationship. (To learn more about what Kundalini looks like click here).
Now, more than ever, your loved one needs your unconditional support. As confused and scared as you are feeling, trust that they feel it tenfold; their experience of life is changing rapidly, without an anchor to ground it. You can be that anchor for them. Your loved one is going through a strange journey and is experiencing a variety of weird symptoms they have to process them without much context and help. Their entire life has transformed and they have to get with the new program without much time to resist it or to grieve the loss of the old one. Remember in your interactions that this is very challenging for them. They have to learn a whole new way of living and leave so much behind. Be there for them with compassion.
I know that fear can get the better of us sometimes; especially when you witness someone you love in pain and can’t fix it. Don’t lead the interaction from fear; lead it from your love of them. It can make all the difference. Believe them when they share their inner truth with you, that this is an awakening and not a nervous breakdown or a mental episode. I know you are worried and are trying to help, yet labeling the process as such can cause more damage than relief to your loved one. This process involves the entirety of a person’s being so at certain stages of it, some symptoms may appear as a diagnosable condition, mental or physical. It isn’t necessarily the case so bear with them. For more knowledge click here.
How to best support your loved one in this time:
What your loved one needs from you is for you to simply be there as best you can. Denying their reality is extremely hurtful to them, so keep your doubts to yourself. Get context to help you learn that Kundalini (home page) awakens in people all over the world, not always because they seek it or have done anything consciously to trigger it whatsoever. Your loved one is trying to learn how to trust Kundalini through months or years of facing internal struggles and the unknown. Many things that were solid for them are falling away and they can no longer hold onto much. This process requires more courage than they think they have, but they will get through it, with your unconditional love and support. It will require that same courage from you. You don’t have to meet them where they are, just don’t try and force them to meet you where you are. If they are facing physical and emotional states that are highly challenging, assure them that you believe in them and in their ability to heal. You can request they see a doctor or a mental health professional if you feel their health is at risk so they can receive the support they need, just be mindful to send them to someone who won’t be dismissive or quick to label them. Know that there is a good chance they won’t receive a satisfactory diagnosis if the ailments are energetically rooted click here for more information, rather than physically. Yet, eliminating any underlying illness or condition would be helpful for your peace of mind. Present it to them in this way and tell them that receiving help and support through some of the stages of Kundalini is more than encouraged and it doesn’t negate the awakening and its spiritual nature.
It isn’t necessary for you to fully understand someone’s experience in order to support them and chances are you won’t. A man will never fully understand what the experience of childbirth is like, it doesn’t mean he gets to minimize it or tell his wife the pain is in her head. Granted, childbirth is undeniable since the results are tangible. The challenge with this process is its abstract nature as it is mainly a felt experience, but it is just as real, I assure you. Your loved one can’t prove it to you so don’t expect them to. This intangibility can be challenging for the person experiencing Kundalini as well since at times their mind won’t get on board with what they are feeling themselves. Wanting to be accepted and not judged is a basic human need; hence the greater the resistance to their felt reality is from their surroundings, the greater their inner battle will be. There is nothing more painful than being in pain or suffering and being shamed for it by the people you love and trust.
Do not attempt to fix or rescue them, as tempting as it can be since you really want to help. Try not to panic for them, as they are highly sensitive to your energy now and need you to pull it together. If you are feeling afraid, share your fear with them from your heart, tell them you really want to be there for them but are struggling, ask them how you can best be of support to them, ask them what they need of you and tell them what you need in return to feel at ease. Keep the dialogue open but always lead with how you feel.
I know from experience that the hardest part of going through this awakening can be losing your support system and the people you love. It can get terribly isolating, so don’t let that happen to your loved one. If you are feeling overwhelmed by all of this know that it is normal for you to feel this way. Be there as much as you can but take “normal life” breaks. You don’t have to be their caregiver, just care about them - as I know you do. Don’t become their therapist, encourage them to find one if they are dealing with a lot of wounding. Be tuned in to yourself and establish strong boundaries not to be swept away in their experiences so you can maintain a healthy relationship and not end up resenting them or burning out. If you have a spiritual foundation yourself, you can pray and ask for help with this relationship. Ask how to stay connected to them if you feel as though you are going in two different directions and are afraid of losing them. If you don’t have a spiritual practice, try to be present with them as best you can. Be conscious and communicative of when you need your space and what support you are able to offer. People experiencing Kundalini are in highly vulnerable and sensitive states. At times, they can be as vulnerable as a child; they feel everything tenfold and sense people’s energy so they would know if you are pulling away without you having to say a word. For that reason communicating is evermore important now, they will pick up on all your fears and cues and feel hurt if they don’t understand it. Work on your communication skills so you can be honest with them, but always come from a loving place, start with how much you love them, tell them that you have to establish boundaries is just so you can keep supporting them and stay connected to them, not the other way around. Tell them you are working through your fears so they don’t have to carry them for you.
Your emotional needs in this relationship may have to take a backseat for some time, and that isn’t balanced or fair. Get support from a professional yourself to help you with that feeling of lack and imbalance in the relationship. Talking with someone will help you adjust your expectations and hopefully understand that they don’t mean to withdraw their support from you, they are just entirely consumed by this process and have no emotional resources left for anyone else for a while. This will change eventually. Meanwhile, acknowledge your hurt and work through it so that you don’t carry resentment.
Being there for them without judgment is all it takes, you can’t take away their pain, and you can’t rush through the process or guide them through it. All you can do is stay by their side and believe in them when they lose all faith. You don’t have to understand every aspect of this awakening, just believe in the person you love underneath the experience. The person you know has the strength and the wisdom to get through it. In the darkest moments, hold the light for them, as they may have no access to it, remind them who they are by remembering why you love them.
What to avoid when supporting someone going through Kundalini:
Beware of labels, even if they are going through depression and anxiety for a long period, it does not mean this is who your loved one is or who they have become. Kundalini takes a person through all kinds of experiences yet eventually it always shifts and changes. It takes time for the body to adjust to Kundalini and this can be very intense on the nervous system and manifest as anxiety. The mind takes time to adjust and process this awakening as well and for awhile can feel a great deal of loss and confusion which can manifest as depression. This stage of the awakening is known as “The dark night of the soul”. Your main job is to remind them there is always an end to every phenomenon on this journey, to be their link back into life as they are experiencing only the shadow aspect of it right now. Remember that depression isn’t their new identity, just another stop on the Kundalini train and remind them of that. Some people get a doctor to prescribe anti-depressants to help support them through this stage so you can gently suggest to them that this is a valid option, that it is but a tool to support them through this temporary dark stage.
I know I am asking you for a lot, and that takes immense strength. All it boils down to is for you to keep seeing the person you know and love underneath the fear and the judgment. Your fear is valid since you are watching someone you love go through something you have no direct experience with and no control over, they most likely feel the same way. Your loved one is changing in front of your eyes and will keep changing and the fear of losing them is very natural. It is also normal for you to experience grief yourself for losing the person, as you knew them, allow yourself to grieve but know that if you let them change the relationship between you can evolve as well. Do not resent them for changing, it is not their choice, the process demands it.
This journey of the Kundalini awakening is an opportunity for growth both for the person going through it and for you. You will evolve together by accepting what you can’t control or change, by expending your definition of love and friendship, by embracing the unknown (which is ultimately the truth of life) and by allowing the person you love to surpass your perception of who they are or should be. Letting them outgrow the role they played in your relationship takes immense growth in consciousness on your part and is the best way to ensure that you sustain your relationship. In fact, Kundalini can help deepen your relationship and love for one another beyond anything you have experienced, by simply loving them through the most challenging yet rewarding time of their lives. Witnessing them morph into whom they are deep inside is a sacred role in and of itself. I promise you that it will leave you in awe of how beautiful and courageous they truly are and that they will be forever grateful for the courage and love you have shown by allowing them this transformation and supporting them through it.